you know you love me

2009-08-27T21:49:00.005+08:00

HI EVERYONE I'LL BE UPDATING ON ONSUGAR UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE (until I realise it sucks/until I get bored with it/until I miss my Blogger which I kind of already do)

MAGNIFYINGMARY.ONSUGAR.COM

(CLICK ME CLICK ME!)

2009-08-26T21:26:00.002+08:00

OMG ONSUGAR IS SO COOL. I THINK I MIGHT MOVE, AFTER 4 YEARS OF BEING ON BLOGGER.

SHOULD I OR SHOULD I NOT? I've imported all my archives from Blogger (onsugar has that feature!) Somehow NYP's wireless doesn't allow access to Onsugar. Wonder why. But it's too nice. And I've just completed the layout. No messy HTML shit and nothing like that.

The features are so easy. For example, I'm the kind that edits my posts like every 3 seconds because of typo errors and stuff. Onsugar makes it really easy for me to do it without clicking "Back" 500 times.. All I gotta do is just click on my post! It's so cool.

WANNA SEEEE??

magnifyingmary.onsugar.com

2009-08-25T19:49:00.002+08:00

How was my Intro to Media Industry & Management exam? Some, such as Tashah (tashahrailey.blogspot.com) said it was easy. Tashah is really pretty by the way. (: Sorry, I know it has nothing to do with what I'm talking about. You should visit her blog and blogshop (panic-wonderland.blogspot.com) and stuff. She's gorgeousxsz.

Anyway, the whole of tomorrow I'm going to sit my ass in front of my laptop and go through my media marketing notes and make sure I get an A for it. I deserve nothing less. It's also because I want a new camera (hey what's up Ma.)

About Baybeats. Sigh. Texas, we have a problem.. I don't wanna talk about it. So don't ask me. Just don't. If you mention Baybeats I will pull your hair and bite your ears and scratch your face. (more at screamthisnow.lj)

[Bitch, if only your brain is the size of your nose.]

2009-08-24T04:23:00.000+08:00

updated: omg Shar is going to Baybeats with me! And hopefully Doreen too (she better). MY FRIENDS ARE NOT BORING AFTERALL. NOW I REALLY CANT WAIT.

_____________________________________________________________

2009-08-24T00:08:00.001+08:00

After Wednesday, I am done with this semester. And I will have no school until middle to late Octoberrrrr. AWESOME.

Anyway! Bayyyybeaaatssss is this Friday.

I feel so excited for Barricade. I hope everyone will love their set. Barricade rules I swear. I keep thinking about who I'll go with because everyone I know is boring as hell and doesn't go to Baybeats.

Besides, I have gone to Baybeats with Hasif and his friends, every since I was 14, except that I didn't even know Hasif was Hasif even though he was there all along. HAHA no offence but he really changed (for the better). Anyway, I need someone to scream with me when they're up, and then today I got a Facebook message from none other than sweet sweet Arifah. (Hi Arifaaahhh!) I'm not sure if she'll scream with me but at least I have someone to be stick with. I mean Hasif has a lot of friends so I'll probably get lost amongst them.

People still get confused when I say Hasif. HASIF IS RICO. They are the same person.

OMG I CAN'T WAIT FOR FRIDAY!

2009-08-23T22:02:00.002+08:00

I hate my blogskin.

It's too bright.

It makes me want to scream at people.

2009-08-23T12:44:00.000+08:00

I'm an addict for dramatics.

I confuse the two for love.

2009-08-22T10:59:00.000+08:00

NYP has this new course called Diploma in Social Sciences.

Oh and I know this is a bit overdue, okay actually it's like really over due, but congratulations on the launch of NYPTV (NYP's tv channel). (:

Can't wait for Year 3! (whatever mary first sem isn't even over yet -____-) In year 3, there's absolutely no lectures/tutorials. We'll get to run NYPTV for the first half of the year and the rest of it will be the job internship. So my poly education is sort of, 2 years. And 1 year of doing fun things. Or not. But still, the prospect is very exciting! Woohoooo.

In the meantime, I need to study.. It sucks studying when you cant binge on unhealthy food. Studying is not productive for me without food. Maybe I should study after buka. Whatever, like THAT'S gonna happen. I bet you after buka I'll be too full and I'll just like vegitate in front of the couch watching tv and forgetting the world.

Omg, look at me. It's only 10.39 am and I'm rambling about food. And it's the first day of Ramadhan. ughghghh STOP THINKING ABOUT FOOD FAT ASS.

2009-08-21T14:57:00.003+08:00

Just a quickie.

Happy fasting/Selamat menyambutkan bulan Ramadhan,

Or from where I come from, we say,

Sahro Ramadhan Al Mubarak!

______________________________________________________________________

2009-08-21T02:08:00.008+08:00

So, what have I been doing when I am not studying or smelling my boyfriend's face?

Play stupid games online.

I've been playing this stupid game. It's called Glenn Martin, DDS: Dental Adventure.

(....)

The song will really piss the hell out of you if you have been listening to it for 2 hours because you forgot to turn it off. Anyway, the game is basically about you becoming a dentist and you have to fix all these people's teeth and stuff. And I guess it's fun. Except for the braces part. It's total bullshit. Who in the damn hell puts rubberbands all over their teeth? It's so retarded. Is this some kind of new and improved orthodontic technology that I am unaware of?

Click here to play, if you have no life. By clicking you are hereby declaring that you have no life and will resort to playing stupid dentist games to keep yourself entertained.

>>> I have no life therefore I play stupid dentist games.

Remember to take note of their favourite colour (cavity fillers) and music.

Oh and if you're like me and spent half an hour trying to figure out how to wash off the saliva, just hold down the spacebar..

I'll blog about another lame online game tomorrow. You have to admit, they're fun.

2009-08-20T01:15:00.004+08:00

I want denim shorts really badly. Like seriously really badly.

I want a stomach that does not inflate upon consumption of any food or drink. I take one sip of water and my stomach will inflate to 3 times its size. Why why tell me why.

I also want to not fail my exams. Which is kind of a pathetic thing to want. I only have 2 papers to sit for. TWO. Media Marketing and Introduction To The Media Industry. So, I dont know if it's even possible to fail because I studied these past few days. I don't think anyone in Media Studies mugs, unless you're like, Warren. I dont think you can even mug for my course. So, yeah. Or maybe I've just never mugged for anything in my life, so I wouldn't know.

I want to pay my library fines so NLB will stop sending me irritating reminders from left right centre. Stop sending five million letters to my house lah kanina.

I want Hasif to understand that beating horses using sticks during horse races is cruel.

I want Barricade to become multi-millionaires by the time I'm 30 so that I can marry Hasif and then travel around the world for an entire year and call it our honeymoon.

2009-08-19T09:01:00.001+08:00

Hello world. I'm feeling creative this morning.

I feel like talking about things that most of us can relate to, so I will proceed in doing so. I think most of us have all encountered a time that we have had a disagreement with someone over the internet. It doesn't matter if you know them in real life or not, as long as you have argued with someone on the web, this is for you.

I find that people are relentless on the internet. Don't you? They know no limits. They see that there is technically no limit at all, therefore they take advantage of that and terrorise the lives of others just to prove their stupid and merepek point of view that is not even valid to begin with.

1. Have them sit right beside you, look you in the eye, and prove themselves. If they are capable of doing so, then that's lovely. I really like people like that. This is your opportunity to be all eloquent and brutal with your words. But don't sway off track. You will only contradict yourself and no one's going to take you seriously.

2. If they keep quiet and nak step innocent, NO, DO NOT punch/slap/kick their face even if the idea is very appealing. Use it to your advantage. Just sit there and stare at them whilst fantasize about the things you would do to their face if violence were accepted in our society.

This way, you won't have to clean up the place (blood, detached facial parts), you can't get sued (like you aren't broke enough), you can fantasize about things that are out of the world (like imagine you are a seasoned kickboxer like Keira Knightley with seriously nice arms even if you are like me and cannot kick anything without falling down/stubbing your toe/spraining your ankle/accidentally kick other people instead).

3. However, if you're really suay and the person happens to be the kind that talks non-stop and all, then just continue fantasizing. If the person seems like he or she will go on until next year, pretend to fall asleep. This is really funny. But make sure you don't laugh while doing this because it would only seem strange that you are laughing while falling asleep. Of course, the person would not find it funny at all. But that's the whole. Our aim is not to burst into peals with laughter with the enemy and then start becoming best friends. No.

Anyway, the point is, I know of MANY people who are so feisty online but in reality they are pussies. So if you ever get into a fight with one of them, and if you happen to know them in real life, ask to meet them in person. And do what I told you. BUT If you don't know the person, then DON'T ASK TO MEET THEM. Because if you get raped or something, I don't want to fill in those long as hell police reports.

2009-08-18T22:07:00.006+08:00

This is my 900th post!

I should start thinking of something cool to blog about for my 1000th post.

Note: That fugly thing is not my laptop.

I've just bought a keyboard protector for my laptop and it's so fun to type using it, although it looks like shit. It's all rubbery and doesn't produce that annoying clacking noise when I type. It's also great because I keep spilling things on my keyboard and I'm just waiting for it to screw up.

There was this one time that when I typed, weird symbols came out instead of letters and I was all 'okay it's finally spoilt' but then someone told me that I accidentally pressed the num lock button or something like that, so it turns out that it wasn't spoilt after all. Also, I don't know why I'm telling you this.

Hasif Rico! I love you!

2009-08-17T22:25:00.003+08:00

I think there's something wrong with my urethra. Excuse my blatentness, but seriously. Ouch. I might be suffering from instertitial cysisitis (thanks google). There isn't a cure for instertitial cysisitis. And it's really painful by the way. I'd love to go into detail, but I'll spare you because you wouldn't want to know about the things I find in my urine nowadays.

2009-08-16T23:30:00.007+08:00

-post deleted-

2009-08-16T14:01:00.004+08:00

These were supposed to be in the previous post, but Blogger screwed up, as always.

"Angels, please help me. My heartache's too much. Show me the right way."

-Absence by Barricade.

2009-08-16T00:58:00.003+08:00

I just got home from a gig at Scape that was full-house and Barricade was the 2nd band to play. I always feel like a proud mother (for lack of a better term) when standing in the moshpit and looking up at the stage where the band's performing. Today they killed it man. I swear. Especially when Hasif gored with Tacit Aria's vocalist during the last song.. They played all originals except for that last song which is a song by Devil Wears Prada. I love you Mr-Nice-Smelling-Face.

Goodnight world.

2009-08-14T23:05:00.002+08:00

My boyfriend is music.
He's making me loose it.

2009-08-13T23:35:00.005+08:00

Finally, it's over. No more presentations for this sem. But this sem is ending soon. Which is great! Moreover, my semestral break covers the entire month of Aidilfitri. I'll get to spend Hari Raya the way it should be spent. Unlike last year, when O Levels was during Aidilfitri.

Sorry this one's blurred. I had to zoom in like a million times so that our faces are visible.

I hope you know what you're getting yourself into. I know you're aware, but being aware and knowing are 2 different things. Knowledge requires a certain degree of understanding. Do you understand? Or do you simply choose to not care at all. You aren't indifferent, but you choose to be unbothered by the fact that *insert fact here*. Whatever it might be, I hope at the end of the day, you have made the right choice so no one gets hurt.

This is a very bad thing to hope for because I am actually quite certain that I'm going to get hurt.

2009-08-13T00:19:00.004+08:00

This whole week has been extremely taxing on me. Formal presentation, after formal presentation, after formal presentation. All of us prancing around in our stilettos and corporate wear. It is not fun, especially if you live in the equator.

And today. Today sucked. Especially during my BP presentation. I am going to assume you know what BP is [it's a module I am taking]. I am too angry at myself to explain. I don't know what is wrong with me. I freeze in front of people. It went well in the beginning, and then half way through talking about the my business model and start-up costs, I just stood there, and went like "errr..", for like 3 minutes.

OMG I SWEAR at that point of time I wished someone kidnapped me and brought me to Venezuela or something so I didnt have to face all of those people ever again.

And tomorrow is my Scriptwriting presentation and we are going to be presenting 2 storyboards, and I'm presenting with Joseph and Joseph is like the ultimate presenter so I dont feel so nervous because if I screw up, no one would notice because beside him, I might as well don't exist. Also, I dont feel so bad about tomorrow because it is my last presentation of the semester, and I'm wearing my favourite formal top. I saved the best for last.

Okay, I'm going to talk to Shar now because she needs to rant to someone about a certain lesbian that we know. I'm always here for her. And for any of my friends (yes that includes you, I know you're reading.) I'm sorry I've been a boring blogger. I'm just reaaally tired.

good night world.

2009-08-11T00:46:00.005+08:00

17 MORE DAYS TO BAYBEATS!

BARRICADE BARRICADE BARRICADE TIMES TEN MILLION.

I know, I have a fat face.

2009-08-10T20:45:00.010+08:00

The following contains images of a burn wound on my right ankle.

I would warn you, but I actually want you to read on.

Last Thursday, my ankle made contact with an exhaust pipe of a (really nice and biggg) motorbike. And this is what has become of it since.

The last picture was taken today.

When I just got burnt, I was hoping the wound would turn out sexy, because some wounds are actually sexy, but mine is suchhhhh a turn-off.

So, I mentioned earlier that I want you to read on. It's because I wanted to blog about something else, but now I guess all of you are too grossed out by the pictures, so haha I shall just do that in another post.

2009-08-10T00:56:00.002+08:00

(: Hellooooo.

2009-08-09T00:26:00.004+08:00

Happy National Day. I don't feel as patriotic today because of the $500 fine I got for drinking water at the MRT station. Go and die. Today is also the premiere of Singapore Idol, not that I care and not that I'll be home to watch it.

Why I love/hate Singapore [it's up to you to decide what goes into which category]:

-The public transport, although I keep complaining about it, is the bomb.

-So cleannnnnnnnn <3>

-Nobody can have minah keningz/mat rep floating cap/trendy wank3rs like us.

-SexXx at staircases.

-PRCS

-When you get on the MRT, you feel like you are in some weird country because half the people there are speaking some foreign language.

-Polytechnics!

-Err..

-McSpicy!

-Everyone has a blog shop.

-NS (hahahahaha really. because guys aged 18-20 are at their "peak" and should divert their energy somewhere, like defending the country and getting nice arms.)

-The cars you see on the roads are always brand new and not some ancient monument on wheels, like you see in some countries (up north).

-Ten years of compulsory education, if not you go to jail.

-People get fined $500 for taking sips of water at stations, even though there's a freaking Cheers located conveniently near the control station.

-The banglas are polite. (:

-SIMPANG BEDOK !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-Everyone here can spell.

-The 50000000 cabs.

-BAYBEATSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS.

-PASIR RISSSSSSSSSSSSSS!

-Geylang during malam raya.

-Singlish.

2009-08-08T12:01:00.002+08:00

Waiting for Shar & Doreen from 9am to 2pm at Hotshot (library cafe), alone.

9.17am

11.34am

1.31pm

I think,

I hope,

it will turn out the way it is supposed to.

Not the way I want it to, because I don't know what I want.

If you really think about it,

you'll know that is the worse thing anyone can do;

To not know what they want.

2009-08-07T19:50:00.008+08:00

THIS IS MY 888TH POST!!!!!

The weekend is here, finally. And it's going to be a long one. Happy National Day in advanced. Just when I was about to be all patriotic, something happened today to make me think again.

Shar, Mairah and I were at YCK MRT from NYP. We were going to board the train and stop at AMK to have lunch and whatever. Shar and I were waiting for Mairah to top-up her card. We weren't even at the platform. We were still downstairs. At the station itself, there is a Cheers and before that we bought drinks. Mine is the standard blueberry tea, and Shar, apple tea.

So, I was feeling thirsty, and I took a sip of water from the bottle.

A man approached me and said this : "Eh girl! I just saman this 2 boys. You also want to kena saman ah?"

I stared at him wondering what his problem was. So rude.

Then he went on to say: "Give me your IC!!"

I'm like: "Why?"

Him: "Here cannot drink ah! Got CCTV everywhere!"

Me: But I'm thirsty. I just took a sip.

Him: No no no give me your IC

I swear I was soooooooooooooooooo pissed. I could have punched his stupid face. I was literally clenching my fists. I gave him my IC. And while waiting for him to take down my particulars, I was like "what's your problem? nothing better to do ah? very boring right your job?"

He said "What's my problem? You go question the law lah!"

EH UNCLE THE LAW NEVER TEACH YOU TO BE RUDE OKAY. YOU'RE LUCKY I DIDNT SPIT ON YOUR FACE WHILE I WAS SWALLOWING. I REALLY SHOULD HAVE DONE THAT. THEN I CAN SAY "NO LAH I NOT DRINKING WHAT. I GURGLING ONLY!"

NABEI. WHAT?! YOU THINK YOU SO BIG AH? DONT KNOW HOW TO GIVE WARNING FIRST IS IT. STRAIGHT AWAY SAMAN PEOPLE. THEY SAY YOU SUPPOSED TO WARN FIRST. YOU THINK FUNNY AH ANYHOW SAMAN HERE SAMAN THERE.

Whatever lah okay. MY IC IN FRONT OF YOUR STUPID FACE STILL CAN ASK FOR MY AGE. YOUR MATHS WORSE THEN MINE. MY NAME ALSO SALAH SPELL. YOU BUTA HURUF OR WHAT. OR MAYBE YOU JUST BUTA. THATS WHY WHEN I TOOK A SIP YOU APPROACHED ME LIKE I WAS HAVING A BANQUET AT THE STATION. CB.

When we are at AMK hub, there were like 20 million security guards who were either obese or tua nak mampos. I dont understand you know seriously. They were standing beside every escalator telling people to hold onto the railing. The 3 of us were still bitching about the uncle and how anal this place is and I still remember what Shar said. "Eh! Make sure dont let go of the railings. If not kena saman."

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH.

K I want to shower.

2009-08-07T00:03:00.003+08:00

Sometimes I question myself a lot. Perhaps too much. Because I realise that I dont have to explain who I am to anyone except me. I am who I am. If you dont like it, then dont like it.

Sometimes I try to hard to not hurt people. I try too hard to be as nice as I can, but to no avail. No one seems to notice, no one seems to care, no one seems to be thankful. When people get too much of a good thing, they dont think it's a good thing anymore.

Sometimes, like now, I think I shall not care or try anymore.

Oh and just IN CASE: If you think this is about you, it isn't. My life doesn't revolve around you.

2009-08-06T13:09:00.000+08:00

What the hell.

2009-08-06T00:15:00.004+08:00

My heart just got raped.

2009-08-05T10:09:00.002+08:00

I have nothing to look forward to this weekend, except maybe the sleeping in part. Hasif won't be booking out on Saturday ): He is "on duty" and will only be back on Sunday night. WHY WHY. What is the point of my weekend then?

But wait.

If he books out on Sunday night, that means I'll meet him on Monday. That means on Sunday, I wont dread Monday. I'll look forward to it, for the first time ever! Okay, I am feeling better already. (...)

Tsk.

I dont care if you think I have no life, other than my boyfriend. That's not true.. Okay fine, it is kind of true. But I actually like it. Why have selfish, sensitive, rash friends who think with nothing but emotions and their ego, when you can have one person who is your best friend, boyfriend, brother, tourguide, calculator, pillow and everything else rolled up into one?

I'm going to my ortho later today! Yayyyyyyy.

2009-08-04T07:05:00.004+08:00

Good morning! I just woke up and I'm feeling so damn goooooood. So I decided to take a picture of myself, that hopefully reflects the way I feel. But I think I failed.

Hair unbrushed, teeth brushed, no make-up [duh, i just got up], unedited.

- I do not care how my hair looks (I just realised that I slept with the hairclip still on my head)

- I do not care that I'm smiling with teeth for the first time even though I told myself that I wont until my braces are gone,

- I do not care if my teeth aren't prefect yet, because they will be, no matter what. It is just a matter of time. One more year and they'll be straighter than yours. Bet on it.

- I don't care that I'm wearing my late-father's t-shirt which is like 5 sizes too big.

- I also do not care that the quality of this picture sucks because I took it with the in-built camera on my laptop.

epic fail.

Screw it lah it's not like I need to impress you whatever.

Have a great day, everyone.

I know I will.

Becauuuuseeee...

I'M NOT TELLING.

bye.

2009-08-03T20:06:00.007+08:00

I came across this blog.

http://arshantiallanchand.blogspot.com

READ THE JULY 25TH POST.

GO, GO READ IT.

It's written specially for some people I know who are in self-denial.

tsk tsk.

2009-08-03T02:58:00.005+08:00

This post should be in screamthisnow@lj, but I decided to post it here instead.

Composed on 30th July 2009, 2.14am.

Sometimes, I look around me and think to myself:

"Why?"

I can only choose to be a better person, I can only choose to live the way I want to, which is without a conscience of any kind towards anyone or anything. I can choose to live any way I want to, do whatever I want to, whenever I want to. But ultimately, I am not the one who decides the outcome. Some may believe in pure luck, some believe in randomness, but I believe in Him. Still, though this may not be our lives (it is His), He has granted us control over it, trusting us to make decisions wisely, although we live with the knowledge that everything has been decided for us. Because even though everything's written in the stone, I don't know what has been written for me. There is literally, a WORLD of possibilities. And I am going to explore it, with you by my side.

Goodnight World.

Tomorrow I am coming for you.

2009-08-02T22:42:00.004+08:00

You are mine, all mine. And I seek comfort in the knowledge.

Barricade has composed 3 new songs. And I cannot wait for them to start recording those songs because THEY ARE SO GOOD. And no, I am not being biased. I really am not! They are just so good. I like all of them the same, but if I had to choose one, it'll probably be These Last Words. Because I could hear Hasif's tenderness, vulnerability, hapless voice. It's just too sexy. Oh god now I can't sit still. gsjthjsghwriuhseflkes!

2009-08-02T05:12:00.002+08:00

There's no wall for you to hide behind
Stop pretendin that the problems mine
Lift your head and look me dead in the eye
What made you so bitter inside?

Why don't you talk to me?
Why don't you talk to me?
Because im standin here
I got an open ear
Why don't you talk to me?

-This song.

2009-08-02T04:29:00.001+08:00

"They only want you when you're seventeen

When you're twenty-one, you're no fun"

- Seventeen by Ladytron

2009-08-02T00:42:00.003+08:00

Why can't everyday be Saturday? Today, I shall talk about my favourite and most hated days of the week.

By the way, I feel really bad being here and doing this because I have a ton of things to complete such as err MY MARKETING PRESENTATION which is like the most important thing on earth right now, but I seriously need a frickin break. I dont understand how some people (from MS0901) can actually stay home and do their marketing shit all day. Hello? Are you even human? Wally is behind me now, meowing and I'm like freaking out because Wally meows like about twice a year, unlike Moochy which meows every 3 seconds and when Wally meows it's the cutest thing on earth because he is like a million kilograms and his meow is the softest and sweetest meow and it's so weird, but in a cute way. You know.

Sorry, I guess I won't be blogging about my favourite and most hated days of the week now. I realise that I have to do my marketing presentation right away and not procrastinate anymore unless I want to get a GPA of 0.5 if there even is such a thing. Plus, I really have nothing formal to wear. I ordered a cool black bandage skirt online (because everyone's wearing bandage skirts now for some reason) and I dont think it'll come in time for Monday! WHAT AM I GOING TO DO! FML FML FML.

Goodnight/morning.

2009-08-01T00:03:00.000+08:00

It's........ SATURFRICKINDAY.

Omg yes, it's Saturday! Damn this week sucked. Although it was my birthday week. I don't know why, but I'm looking forward to my ortho appointment this Tuesday. So, what colour bands should I get? I think I want purple and green. Yay or Nay? I think Yay. (:

Okay I still can't believe it's Saturday. I am grinning like hell now and I can't stop. Life has never been better. Except for the time when I was 10 and got my period and I realised I was the first amongst my friends who has had their period. I don't know why in the hell I was happy about getting my PERIOD of all things. After that day, I was never happy at all to get my period, until this one time a few months ago, but you dont need to know about that.

Goodnight everyone! Have a lovely weekend. Don't drink and drive. Better yet, don't drink. Just act drunk. That way, you'll know what goes on when everyone is wasted so the next day when everyone's sober again you can give a play by play recount of what happened and everyone will be like "Wow how'd you remember?" And you can act all cool and say "Well alcohol is nothing to me.. yknow. I dont get drunk." and all the girl's will be like "Wow..This guy's tough. Tough is hot."

Good night!

2009-07-31T01:22:00.003+08:00

I am unwell. Perfect timing. Perfect day to get an MC. If you are from Nanyang Polytechnic, School of Business Management and is a student of Media Studies of class MS0901, you would so agree. But I feel like shit. I'm burning up, my nose is blocked, my eye bags are ass-sized.

I need ______, hazelnut coffee, and Hasif.

Seriously, I hate NS.

I HATE NS SO MUCH UGHHHH, I HATE SISPEC EVEN MORE.

2009-07-29T23:49:00.005+08:00

Screw the world, I am really going to run this weekend. And not just run, but seriously run until I faint from exhaustion or my legs fall off or perspire until I shrivel and die. I am going to pretend that you are running behind me and Hasif is in front of me. That would give me an entire month's worth of work out. Mairah, would you like to run with me, since we live within (relatively) close proximity?

Speaking of Pasir Ris, have I mentioned that I never ever want to move away from Pasir Ris? (Hints to my mother) Even if it was a matter of life or death, I guess it would still be somewhere in the East of this island. NO WEST, NO NORTH, NO SOUTH, NO CENTRAL. Only East. AND NO BEDOK, even if Bedok is part of the East. But anyway, I said "matter of life or death". So whtever it is, we are staying in Pasir Ris, Mother. Preferably the West of Pasir Ris please. (which is where I have been living at since I was 8). The East of PR is a bit.. err, yeah (no offence to HLBG).

Seriously, Pasir Ris is just the best town ever. It's so peaceful, it has fun places (...), it is very windy and cool because it is a resort town by the beach, it has awesome people (such as Mairah and I), there are like a million pretty trees everywhere (which contributes to the cool temperature), not like Sengkang which is like treeless and anyone could mistaken it for Mongolia. And also most of my life has been spent here in Pasir Ris, therefore I am familiar with every square centimetre of this place. Pasir Ris is my playground. I think I am more patriotic towards Pasir Ris as compared to the entire country. I don't care much for places like.. Buangkok or Macpherson or Tiong Bahru or somewhere. ZZZZZZZ.

♥ I LOVE PASIR RIS ♥

This is the sunset which you can see everyday at Pasir Ris.

Oh shit. I am the most n00bish person in the world. I spent 6-10pm "napping" because I was tired, and also because tomorrow I have a tutorial at 8 am. And then nowww, I just woke up and I realised that tomorrow there isn't any tutorial at 8 am because my lecturer cancelled it. But I have to meet her personally at 12 nn - 1 pm to hand in my journal entries and my Code Of Ethics (some journalist thing). Oh no Oh no Oh no. How in the hell am I going to prepare a creative (because that's the whole point of this module) code of ethics thing by tomorrow?

FML.

2009-07-29T23:37:00.003+08:00

Posted at screamthisnow@lj

I am going to try to sleep.

It keeps me from thinking.

No, I do not dream.

I stopped dreaming on that very day.

Hasif, you're the only thing that has been right throughout the entire time.

I love you. SaturdaySaturdaySaturday, please come quick.

2009-07-29T18:02:00.002+08:00

Today I had to go for yet another filming session. This time, a drama a production. It was at Dionne's house in Toa Payoh which isn't so far away away from awesome NYP. I went with my groupmates Mairah (!!!), Athena and Dionne herself. I had a great time filming our actors. They are really friendly and patient. My group and I decided to treat them to lunch, because it's the least we could do as they had spent half their day bearing with us and our n00bness.

Today is Namira's birthday! HAPPY BIRTHDAY NAMIRA NASIR, my bestest friend in the world despite our differences and whatever it is that has been going on. I can never love you lesser than I already do. Even if I tried really hard. All 4 of us will go out real soon, promise. And I have something to give you :D

As usual, I am counting down the hours to Saturday (.....) I miss you, Hasif. After 5 months of NS, I'm supposed to get used to this, to not being with you on weekdays, but I'm not. I'm still used to meeting you every day of the week, even during O Levels, because you were never a distraction. In fact, you help me see things clearer, and in a different light. I miss you more and more each time you book-in. I think I will die of missing you by next year.

[To Shar, Mairah, Doreen, Dee: WE HAVEN'T DONE OUR SCRIPTWRITING ASSIGNMENT WHICH IS DUED TOMORROW. HOW HOW HOW! PLEASE GO ONLINE AT 8PM TONIGHT SO WE CAN DISCUSS BECAUSE YOU KNOW AND I KNOW *INSERNAMEHERE* IS REALLY HARDCORE ANAL ABOUT US DOING HER SHIT AND I COCKED UP THE LAST ONE AND SO, WE CAN'T MESS THIS ONE UP TOO. DEE ALREADY SENT US THE SLIDES (grrrr) WHICH MEANS WE HAVE NO EXCUSE NOT TO DO IT ..UNLESS TOMORROW SOMEONE TAKES MC.]

2009-07-28T01:16:00.008+08:00

Why do I feel like every day is so draining and taxing on me?

I'm just so lethargic.

Maybe there's something wrong with my body.

Maybe there's something wrong with my head.

Hopefully, there's something right as well.

For once.

2009-07-28T00:24:00.004+08:00

New Moon Sneak Peak!

Actually I dont really care, idk why i'm posting this shit.

This scene is exactly how I imagined it to be while reading the book. But not so for the last part. HAHAHA go watch. What in the world.

2009-07-27T00:13:00.004+08:00

Okay, so.. I am 17. I'd like to say my thankyous.

Thank you Mama for cooking for me and Raihan, Wahidah and Nadhirah, my step-sisters, and thank you all of you for coming over because I miss you girls so much. Thank you Shar, Doreen, Mairah & Dee for singing me a birthday song on the phone at twelve midnight and coming all the way to Pasir Ris to meet me this morning so we can go to school together, it was a nice surprise. Thank you Shar for sacrificing your sleep just to bake me chocolate chip muffins (which are really good). Thank you Namira & Syafiqah, my favourite girls, for waking up early to meet me just before you head off for school to wish me and give me a hug, which I needed so much. Thanks Syaf for the cool Red Indian wrist thing (which I am now wearing on my ankle) and for the card and your kind words. Thank you Hasif, my love, for talking to me on the phone, like you always do even if the next day you have to wake up at 4 am and thank you for doing this everyday, even when it isn't my birthday. Thank you random people for your wishes even if I don't know you that well.

And thank you God, for giving me another year to live, love, learn, serve and most of all for giving me another chance to repent my sins.

2009-07-26T22:26:00.004+08:00

OMG!

Okay wait I have to keep my composure if not I wouldnt be able to type properly.

I JUST GOT BACK FROM LIVERPOOL VS SINGAPORE!

And it was like the awesomest thing evarr. As I approached the stadium I could here the chanting and the screaming and the loud cries from Liverpool fans of all walks of life. And then as I emerged from the entrance, I saw the entire National Stadium clad in red singing You'll Never Walk Alone. Their voices filled with so much pride and anticipation. It was so surreal. The atmosphere makes you catch your breath. It's just hard to explain how awesome it was. Not long after, the game kick started.

The first half was zzz because nobody scored (that's all I ever care about) and there was no Torres. During the last moments of the first-half, an announcement was made saying that 1 minute was added. During that one minute, Voronin striked and scored.

The second-half had a rough start, but soon after, the goals kept coming. the second-half was the best because Torres was playing. Damn, when the announcer guy announced that Torres was joining I screamed my ass off. It was a good game. I was hoping they'd slam Singapore 7-0, but they stopped at 5-0. There was this one Singaporean player who fell or something and the entire patch of grass where he fell on was red. It was literally a puddle of blood. Was I the only who found it disturbing that there was a bloody patch of grass? because no one else seemed to care. They kept running on the blood like it wasn't there.

I feel like I'm going to be a "soccer-murtad" soon because I'm starting to support Liverpool. I'm actually a Man Utd fan. Okay let's just stop macam fahaming now. I'm not a soccer fan. Yes, I enjoy watching it but not to the point that I know everyone in the game. I never used to like even the idea of soccer, but since my mother married my late step-father who is Man Utd fan, I find soccer enjoyable. Just as long as I dont have to PLAY it, I'm fine. But to be honest, I only like Man Utd because of Ronaldo. Now that he isnt part of the team, I might as well support Liverpool. OMG WHAT KIND OF FAN AM I. I hope Real Madrid wont be too ambitious and buy Torres. Because then I will have to be a "soccer-murtad" again and support Real Madrid. I might as well, if Kaka, Ronaldo and Torres are in there. 2 of them already are.

LESS THAN AN HOUR TO MY BIRTHDAY!

2009-07-26T00:17:00.004+08:00

Hello world.

I am feeling so exhilarated. It's been quite a while since I've felt this way, and I know only one person can. Thank you thank you thank you for always being there for me, for always taking time off your very hectic schedule for me, for making me your first priority since the very first day I met you, for caring for me, for smiling your smile at me, for everything in the world.

I had such a fantastic, spectacular, freaking awesome pre-birthday with him. Hasif made me laugh the whole time, especially with his Unagi shit. Apparently I am Unagi 3rd Sergeant. I guess I should be.. honoured? HAHAHAHAHA. I had a real training of the brain just now. Hasif loves these kind of things. He loves challenging my (relatively limited) mental capacity JUST BECAUSE he is super smart. Yes, I get it, Unagi First Sergeant.

OH OH OH I forgot to mentione something which I think I should.

IN A FEW HOURS I'LL BE WATCHING LIVERPOOL FC PLAY AGAINST SINGAPORE AT THE NATIONAL STADIUM!

with my Aunt and 10 year old cousin and SHAMAINE (HAHAHA)

HAHAHAHAHAHA I don't even like Liverpool. Hell, I dont even watch that much soccer. BUT IT'S A FREE TICKET SO I MIGHT AS WELL GO. What am I going to wear, really? Am I supposed to wear a jersey? Tsk, seriously, I'd rather not go then wear a jersey (zzz). Okay, Liverpool fans, this is your cue to call me a fat bitch on my tagboard.

It's phone time with Hasif. Goodnight everyone.

2009-07-24T21:49:00.003+08:00

I either sleep too much or sleep too little. Maybe that's why I'm always cranky. Maybe that's why I'm so whiny, and anyone can attest to this.

This whole week I've been going home early and I bet my friends are wondering why. It's because I miss Hasif and all I wanna do is go home, climb into my bed and sleep so that the next day would come quicker. So that I wouldn't have to wait so long for Saturday. Now it's Friday night, and finally, I get to speak with Hasif and I am the happiest girl on Earth. You'll find that it doesn't take much to make me happy. Especially when it comes to the people I love.

Tomorrow is Saturday and I am excited as hell. I dont know if I can sleep tonight. I dont know if I can breathe normally until then. Doesn't matter, because I havent been breathing normally this whole week. It's like when I inhale, the air gets caught in my lungs, or somewhere around that area. Feck it hurts. I dont think it is a physical condition. I think it's normal to feel this way when you miss someone. It's normal to feel shitty when you aren't with someone you want to be with 24/7. I'm normal.

But thank golly god tomorrow that will all change. I'm getting heart palpitations just typing this.

2009-07-23T19:28:00.002+08:00

What my mom said to me a few days ago really got me thinking.

"Opposites attract, but opposites don't last".

My mother is always right. She is always right when it comes to the things she says to me and the things she has taught me. Omg this is going to sound like a freaking Mothers' Day post, but it isn't. I love my mother because of the things she's shown me and taught me and told me. Her stories, her naggings, her wit. She's spoken perfect English to me when I was little and would bark at me if I made a grammatical error or used the wrong choice of words.

Well, it worked. Because during secondary school I dont ever recall revising for English tests (except maybe memorise the format of situational writing) or paying attention during English lessons even during the weeks before O Levels, yet I got an A1. She made O Levels much easier for me because I didnt study for both English neither did I for Literature. Guess what? I didnt even finish reading To Kill A Mockingbird, and I got an A1. I swear. I know, you feel like killing me right now. Oh and if you are sitting for Os this year, this does not mean it is okay for you not to read your TKAM, if that is your lit text. Be like Farreha and read your book 200000 times and maybe you can become the top student in PRCS like her too. Hi RRE! <3

Just because I did well for English and Lit doesnt mean I got an A1 for Math as well. Hahaahahahha I have never passed math in my life, except during O Levels which was like miraculous. And ironically, I entered into the only Mass Comm course amongst all the polys which actually needs a passing grade for Math, whereas the rest needs a minimum of D7.

I remember when I was in Primary 4, I failed my Math exam, and my teacher asked me why I failed while the entire world passed. All I did was look at her and say "My mom used to fail math too. I guess it's hereditary."

Bad move. She looked at me like I had a dead animal on my face. My mother was teaching in the same school, and my math teacher told her and guess what happened when I got home. Yeah, I died.

I love my mother because she made me get A1 for both Eng and Lit without studying, love animals, hate math, cook quite well, clean my room every 3 seconds, listen to really good music from all over the world, watch awesome movies and last but not least because she made me who I am.

I love mi madre.
I really dont know why I wrote this post.

2009-07-23T18:58:00.002+08:00

Hello world.

Today, I feel so accomplished. I completed everything that should have been completed and I was so on task. I love feeling panicky about school. It makes me feel like I am actually doing something good for myself, for once. And right now, I feel very optimistic about school. Even if this semester I don't get my 4.0 GPA, it's fine. I mean, I still have a million more semesters ahead. When I put my mind to things, I can do whatever I want e.g get a 4 pointer, have straight hair, have curly hair, ruin your life etc.

Oh and before I go, sometimes, it just amazes me how two-faced people are. I'm talking about people in general. They used to be the best friend you have ever known, and then suddenly, now, they become different people. Like strangers, almost. That's not a problem for me. But it becomes a problem when you do things pertaining me, without my knowledge. Yeah, of course I know what you did. Oh and dont say you were trying to "help". Because it still doesn't make it the right thing to do. If you wanna think I'm talkimg about you, it's your problem because I'm not going to bother asking. I'm going to ignore. Ignorance may not always be bliss, but ignoring you certainly is one of the most blissful things I know.

Less than 48 hours until I will breathe normally again.
Hasif Hasif Hasif.

2009-07-22T12:48:00.006+08:00

Post deleted, as promised.

I refuse to read my archives one day, five years from now, and be reminded of such things.

2009-07-21T21:20:00.003+08:00

Tomorrow is Wednesday already! Time flies when you're having fun and when you're surrounded with people who are bitchy for you, but not to you. Seriously, I dont need all the bitchiness anymore girls. I never needed it. But this is like a bonus.

Anyway, I just woke up from a nap. And I had a dream. Usually everything I dream about will come true. My mother's wedding, my step-father's death, my meeting Hasif, just to name a few.

And what I dreamt about just now, you'll definitely not want to know. I feel kind of sad actually. But not for myself. Shouldn't I laugh out loud upon knowing? But I'm not. I'm just really sad. For you, mostly.

But maybe my dream, or rather, nightmare, wont come true this time. You better pray it doesn't.

For now, I'll continue counting down the minutes to Saturdaaaay. I made a promise to Hasif that I'll text him every day even though he is no where near his phone because he is in some jungle right now undergoing his like, 50th field camp. Which means on Saturday he'll be tanned and fresh from the jungle and grass-smelling and everything. My favourite!

2009-07-21T02:31:00.010+08:00

Ugly. hungry, sad, pre-menstrual.

Can't wait to see Hasiffffff on Saturday! Pre-birthday celebration, since he wont be able to celebrate it with my on Monday. Screw NS, seriously.

2009-07-20T16:13:00.004+08:00

Today was quite a pointless day of school. I knew it was going to be pointless so I wore FBTs, slippers and a top. Mairah said I looked like I was going to Econ Minimart. Okay, no. I said that, but she agreed.

After school, I had a discussion with my group mates on our filming schedule, but we didnt do much. I have to find and recruit actors who are free on Wednesday, 29th July from 9am to 2pm. Obviously no one is free on Wednesday mornings. But if you ARE free on that particular day, then please contact me in any way you can!! My 4.0 GPA is in your hands! (:

After the "discussion", which mostly consisted of me stuffing my face with hotdogs, I went home. Because I didnt feel like doing anything with my stupid clothes. Also because Shar met her boyfriend (yes she has a bf now), Dee went home, Mairah met her MJC friends and Doreen .. well, you just never know with Doreen. But whatever. I love going home early! The bus is so empty. Much like my heart.

Now, I'm on my bed, with Wally's head propped on my lap, waiting for the delivery guy to come so I can stuff my face with food again because no one was hungry when I was in school just now. ): I'm eating like hell, yet I'm losing weight. I wonder why. No, I am not bullimic.

I guess being sad takes up a lot of your energy.

2009-07-19T22:11:00.003+08:00

There's this guy.

That I've grown to love more and more every single day. Unfortunately, he isn't you. Well, not anymore. Unless your name rhymes with the Jamaican pronounciation of the word "passive".

Sometimes I forget why I fell in love with him.

He smells sweeter and he doesn't murder although he should. He tries again.

2009-07-19T01:31:00.002+08:00

Things that matter:

-Mama
-Hasif
-My GPA
-Friends
-Wally, Ziggy, Moochy
-My health, especially my mental health.

Things that cannot/do/should not matter (anymore).

-You, and this.

2009-07-17T20:30:00.008+08:00

Now that the damage is done
I'll never miss it at all.

Yesterday night there was a cat stuck in the tree beside my window. According to my neighbours, the cat has been there for a day. As we all know, my weakness are animals. My mother and I tried calling the police, don't ask why and they said we should call the civil defense. I called the civil defense and there was no answer. After the third time, they finally answered and some guy answered reluctantly. I told him "hi, there's a cat stuck in the tree beside my window and it's been there for a day." The guy was like, "What? Sorry, can you repeat that?". So I repeated. And he said, "Errr I think you should call the SPCA because we only deal with life-threatening cases involving humans only." I was so pissed so I hung up.

Then I tried calling the SPCA. Some bored guy answered and he told me to put food at the foot of the tree. I didnt like the idea because he was indirectly implying that cats are dumb and would do anything for food. My mother started screaming at me saying that I was pessimistic and all so I did what the bored guy told me to do. After me staring at the tree for like 10 minutes and saying "meow" repeatedly, the cat still stayed didnt jump/climb down. And the tree is like 4 storeys high so it's not like I couldnt start Xena-ing and climb it.

Hasif kept texting/calling me but I wasn't paying much attention to him because I was so worried for the cat. He got mad at me because he said the cat will come down by itself eventually. I didnt listen to him but in the end, I gave up and prayed that by morning it would have figured a way to come down. Hasif was right. My neighbour told my mom that the cat came down at around 4am this morning. Dont ask me how she knows.

2009-07-16T20:23:00.008+08:00

Posted at screamthisnow@lj.

I hope you're happy.

2009-07-15T01:07:00.000+08:00

Today I painted my nails GREEN. Like the most awesome shade of green. And Shar painted hers purple. Purple and green is like the best colour combination, alongside pink and grey.

Shar, Doreen, Dee & Mairah are like soooooo fun and compassionate and humorous and huggable and understanding and perfect friends. For the first time, I have friends that will NOT only laugh, but will cry with me. They don't come from perfect families and so do I. They have gotten their heart really broken completely, so have I. We aren't those sheltered, protected 17 year olds who think they know everything but they don't know shit from shit. We are just like corresponding puzzle pieces perfectly aligned.

Shar had her first ever photoshoot today and she met us after that looking soooo gorgeous with the make up and all. And they added red streaks to her hair. So pretty, while I was looking so tired and ZZZ. See for yourself.

DEELDO. Sayang Dee <3>
I said I didnt want my picture taken, but no one cares, as you can see.

Shar's a doll.

I, on the other hand, look like an inflated balloon animal.

I DONT LIKE TO SMILE WITH BRACES! ): Shar's so pretty right? I feel so fugly ttm beside her.

Mairah, I hope you are better. Don't thank me for being there at 7am. I'll be there at 3am if you ask me to. I'm your friend. Forever. <3

2009-07-14T01:04:00.004+08:00

I need to get off my ass, and start working out. REGULARLY. There's this girl in London who added me on FB because she came across my blog or whatever, and I'm looking at her pictures and I feel like the fattest cow on the face of the Earth. She is really pretty and her entire wall is filled with comments from guys, and I don't blame them. If I were a guy I'd totally be willing to spend the rest of my life stalking her. I think she is of Greek descent because her sur name sounds Greek. She has the really perfect face with assymetrical features. Green eyes, a perfect nose, and a cute curved mouth. And her skin is like porcelain, only tanned.

Her body is so godly. She is so nice and curvy but she is so slim. How does anyone do that? I've yet to meet a person, in real life, who is skinny but has curves. If they are thin, their bodies are just like really straight and boring and unattractive. And if they're curvy, people call them fat. FML lah.

I've been doing like 100 crunches everyday [literally] starting last week. And I see significant progress. I feel better already. I need to start running. On weekends I guess, starting this one. Stop snickering. I know, you are naturally thin and shit so just shut up, bitch. Enjoy it while it lasts. One day, we'll ALL be flabby and gross.

2009-07-13T02:33:00.002+08:00

I've not much to say. I poured my heart out as always in screamthisnow.lj

I just need to apologize to Namira again. Namira, I hope you aren't still mad at me. I'll make pasta alfredo for you okay? Please forgive me. I feel so merepek now. I'm the worse bestfriend in the history of the world. Shoot me, someone. Sigh. Namira darling, I'm sorry.

And to Mairah, please be strong. For yourself. I can give you so much advice, but only you can help yourself. You know that. My last piece of advice is, at times like these following your heart is not such a great idea. Neither is following your mind. Because when you are emotional and volatile, your heart and mind will be at two extreme ends, and no matter which side you follow, you'll falter. My suggestion is to follow something that is right most of the time; your instinct. Listen to it, understand it and most of all, trust it.

Goodnight, world.
And goodnight, you, if you're reading.

2009-07-12T01:52:00.005+08:00

I know you read my blog.

Yesterday evening, I went to see the fireworks for the National Day parade preview. It was the suckiest fireworks display I've seen in all my life. The most pointless piece of shit. Why is it that every year the National Day parade becomes worse and worse? Don't start telling me that it's just me and my elitist state of mind. The fact is IT SUCKS, pointe blank. So stop being all "omg how can u say that? they put in so much effort". Shut up. Apparently, their efforts are in vain. Which dumbass hired the people who does the fireworks? Fire them immediately. Fireworks are meant to be SPECTACULAR. Not just like 2 spurts of light. Seriously, when am I everrrrr going to get out of this country? I need to get away from this entire REGION as soon as possible. Notice that I used the word "region". Yeah, you wonder why don't you? Oh you KNOW why.

I'm so pissed with the world. So much for that previous post about me being full of love.

But on a brighter note, yesterday I got aaaaaaa .... leather jacket! I've always wanted one and yesterday I found it at FEP and I was beyond thrilled. It was dirt cheap too.

Anyway. This song has been on loop on my iPod. You are listening to it right now. It's Paramore's new one titled Ignorance. It couldnt come out at a better time because I totally relate to the song.

Here are the lyrics: They are for you. Why don't you sing along? It'll hurt less.

If I'm a bad person,
You don't like me.
Well I guess I'll make my own way
It's a circle,
I mean cycle.
I can't excite you anymore.

Where's your gavel, your jury?
What's my offense this time?
You're not a judge but if you're gonna judge me,
Well sentence me to another life.

Don't wanna hear your sad songs.
I don't wanna feel your pain,
When you swear it's all my fault.
Cause you know we're not the same.
Oh we're not the same,
The friends who stuck together.
We wrote our names in blood,
But I guess you can't accept that the change is good,
It's good.

You treat me just like another stranger.
Well it's nice to meet you sir.
I guess I'll go.
I best be on my way out.
Ignorance is your new best friend.

This is the best thing that could've happened.
Any longer and I wouldn't have made it.
It's not a war.
No, it's not a rapture.
I'm just a person, but you can't take it,

The same tricks that once fooled me.
They won't get you anywhere.
I'm not the same kid from your memory.
Now I can fend for myself.

You treat me just like another stranger.
Well it's nice to meet you sir.
I guess I'll go.
I best be on my way out.

ignorance is your new bestfriend, indeed.

2009-07-11T12:22:00.004+08:00

Today is Saturday! Every Monday I'll look forward to Saturday and every Saturday I'll dread Monday. But today I am not going to dread anything. I realise that I am wasting my life away dreading things and being scared. Being scared, in general. In various ways. I really shouldn't allow myself to feel this way. When I reflect, although I don't have it all and although I don't have a perfect family with one mother, one father and siblings, and although I always screw things up, I have most everything.

I love my mother to death, I love Hasif so much it hurts my heart, I love my friends tooo much. I am so full of love and I don't where all this love is from. I didn't know I am capable of feeling so loving towards people and not animals. All my life, I have felt that my love for animals are much more than my love for animals. I guess because it's easier. Animals will never hurt you, unless provoked. Even then, Wally when provoked, will never retaliate. Ever.

2009-07-11T00:28:00.004+08:00

My birthday is fast approaching and in one of my previous posts I mentioned that I didn't know what I want this year. Usually I'd have a long list of things. Actually, I still do. In fact, I created a Wishlistr.

My Wishlistr will constantly go through changes. why? Because I'm Maryam. As I read through it, I realise that most of the items there are tech stuff. I'm a techy, who knew? I bet you didn't. Secretly, I go to cnet.com very regularly. I'll drool over all the things that I know I'll never have because I simply can't afford it and as my mom always says, I don't need it so she'll never get it for me unless it's my money. But technically, even if I buy it with my own money, it's not my money. It's hers, because she is the one who gives my monthly allowance.

However, birthdays are a great time to act bratty and start asking people for things you know you can't afford. Especially your boyfriend. (: I love you Hasif, you know I do. Hee.

To make your life/lives easier, I shall now give you the link to my Wishlistr. You can get me anything on the list, anything at all I don't mind. Hahahahahahahahahaha.

http://wishlistr.com/ProclivityOfMary

When you're at my wishlist, click on "Buy or view this item" on each of the items I have included in the list because I have very thoughtfully linked Youtube vids and various links to the things I want. (:

I've been going to apple.com a lot and everytime I'm there, my heart starts beating really fast. Do you know that if you buy a Macbook from now till September 8th, you get a free iPod Touch? CAN SOMEONE PLEASE GET ME THE NEW MACBOOK PRO?!? Previously, I thought getting a Macbook was not a good idea because most things aren't compatible with OS X, but nowww Macs can run Windows tooooo. PLEASE IF YOU'RE READING THIS AND ARE FEELING CHARITABLE PLEASE GET ME A DAMN MACBOOK. Shar, ask your father to buy for me please!

And if any of you are getting the Mac for yourself, can you at least give me the free iPod Touch that comes with it? I SHOULD HAVE GONE TO BLOODY NGEE ANN. Every student there is required to have a Mac or something. Not fair right.

):

2009-07-09T21:56:00.009+08:00

This is the media industry.

It's funny looking at Mark Lamont Hill's face at 3:12 and then, at 6:40 is like looking at the North Pole and then the Sahara. And it's damn rude to cut him off like that at the end. FOX NEWS makes it ever so convenient for their fascist asses.

"I can't wait for Bill O'Reilly or Peter King to die so I can shit on their grave." - My mother

2009-07-08T23:58:00.007+08:00

I don't know why nowadays my face looks botoxed.
I think I eat too much drugged chicken.
[Inside joke]

You wanna rumble in my jungle?

Yesterday I had DFVP ICA 2.

My group members were Joseph Gomez and Venetia Anne. They are awesome team mates. Joseph as we all know gets A for everything and Venetia is like a pro with cameras so I was really lucky to be working with them. We travelled to Jurong East to go to this guy's house to film a feature story on this guy who is like the most weirdest guy I have ever met in all of my life, I swear. To Sayn's friend that recommended this guy: you want to die early?

Since the whole thing was odd, Joseph, Venetia and I decided that during post-production we will make the video seem like we intended it to be quirky. So we semangat for 3 hours in front Adobe Premiere @ Media Hub.

Then finally we were done, and we were rendering our end product andddd the computer crashed. And everything was gone. Mr Azhar tried helping us but to no avail. So now we have to digitize our shots and start from square one.

And today, Bus 88 took 3 centuries to arrive again. And I was so tired in the bus and as usual I slept and when I woke up I was like ten million stops away from my house. FML

2009-07-08T03:50:00.005+08:00

The whole memorial was just surreal.
This, I can bet you, was the biggest media coverage you will EVER see until the day you die.
I swear.

Tonight, or rather, this morning
I stayed up with my dearest mother
to watch Michael Jackson's memorial Live on CNN
and about a thousand other channels,
excluding the internet streamings

Mama & I cried and cried
Especially when MJ's eldest child spoke at the end
his daughter, who in all her life
has never been in a social setting
has always been covered behind her mask, literally
I cried when she said those words

Everyone thought MJ was a cruel father
because he isolated his children from the world
because he allegedly molested little boys
But when Paris spoke
There wasn't a dry eye in the house

"Ever since I was born, daddy has been the best father you can ever imagine. And I wanted to say I love him so much".
She broke down, and was taken off the stage.

And I know what she means.
I do.

I think there is an encore telecast tomorrow on Channel 5 at 5.30pm if I am not mistaken.
Watch it and look out for:

-the part Brooke Shields quoted one of my FAVOURITE BOOKS, The Little Prince.

-Sheila Jackson Lee's amazing speech which wipes MJ's slate clean.

-Jermaine Jackson sang MJ's favourite song, Smile, written by Charlie Chaplin. Beautiful..

-Usher sings and breaks down beside MJ's coffin. ):

-And of course, Paris Michael Jackson (MJ's 12 yr old daughter) saying those few words that I can so relate to about her daddy, closing the ceremony. ): ):

You won't understand until you watch it.
Then you'll know.
Then you'll understand why people are so upset MJ left the world.
It's not the music.
It's the legacy.

What kills me is seeing his daughter cry like that.
It was like,

It was like I was her.

2009-07-07T18:38:00.003+08:00

Most people look forward to going home but I don't. I look forward to arriving home but the thought of the journey just makes me dread it so much. Especially if I end school around 5-8pm.

If you're wondering what's up with Facebook status update last night, read on.

My journey back home yesterday sucked for the first day of Term 2. I waited for 72 at YCK interchange and then alighted at AMK ITE to take 88 which goes direct to my place. I waited there for half an hour when finally the bus arrived. The later the bus the more passengers there would be. It's logic. And to make things worse, it was rush hour.

So when I boarded the bus I made my way to the foot of the stairs which led to the upper deck. Because I know most of the commuters would alight somewhere around Hougang and when they do I can go up find a seat and sleeeeeep because I was really tired, I always am. Bus 88 is mostly factory workers because the whole stretch along a road in Hougang are factories and the bus passes through that road.

So anyway, I was standing there and I was literally standing on one feet because there was really no more space for me to put the other leg down. Behind me was a makcik with her 2 sons who were maybe 7 or 8 years old. Her sons were being annoying as they were shouting and all. From the moment I boarded she kept staring at me for some reason but I just ignored her. I mean, what else can I do right.

Then more people boarded the bus. I don't how they boarded but they did. There was a bangla beside me and he was pressing up on me. I don't blame him because the people behind and beside him were shoving and pushing. And it wasn't like I could move away as I had no freaking space. When he pressed on me, I swayed a little and my bag accidentally brushed against one of the makcik's sons cheek. The makcik pushed my bag real hard which resulted in my entire body being squashed against the bangla. I looked at the makcik and apologised. I was secretly wondering what her problem was. Then I tried to flatten my bag but to no avail because inside it was my laptop, my a/c adapter for the laptop, my heels and my formal wear (for my presentation).

Then the bus jerked and my bag accidentally brushed against the boy's arm. The makcik pushed my bag again. I looked and her in the eye and I said curtly "Sorry, but I have no space".

The stupid bus driver halted the bus again and this time, the makcik PUSHED ME violently and yelled in Javanese or Boyanese or something.

I felt like pulling her stupid orange tudung. I screamed "Makcik, you want me to put my bag on my head is it?!" like really loudly and the whole bus turned to look and I wasn't embarrassed at all. In fact I hoped that she got trampeded by everyone. I was seriously pissed off more than ever because I was tired and sleepy and I was practically making out with a bangla who hasn't showered in like 3 weeks.

Give me a break la, makcik. What makes you think you can push me? What makes you think you can even touch me ? I don't know you, so don't you DARE lay your filthy hand on my body. Your anak skin SOOOO sensitive to my bag then go naik taxi lah! Takde duit eh..? Bitching around and pushing other people won't get you any money.

I was so angry. I don't know why.

2009-07-06T03:14:00.010+08:00

My tongue got caught in my braces.
Things like this only happens to me.

Mary's non-bleeding, retarded, short yet cute tongue:

Tongue after it has been stuck between metal wires for 3 minutes [still cute]:

Term 2 of school officially starts tomorrow for NYP student's who got to enjoy their one week of extended holidays. Lecturer's are going to throw shit a.k.a assigments at our faces. Tomorrow during lunch, everyone will rush to Macs/Koufu/North/South canteen/Cheers etc. while Shar and I are going to just find one corner and sleep. I'm tired as hell but I need to make sure that tomorrow's 5000 presentations are good and ready. I don't know how I became so hardworking. I cannot screw this shit up. Look at the time which I'm posting this entry at. School starts in a few hours.

It'll be great if I had company. I miss your company. I guess you are asleep already. Or maybe not. I really miss you. I know this is psychotic, but do you know that every night I talk to you before I sleep for at least 5 minutes? Even though you cannot hear me.

I NEED TO GODDAMN SLEEP OMG LOOK AT WHAT I'M SAYING.

2009-07-04T03:30:00.007+08:00

I spend most of my time online. I have a love-hate relationship with the internet. But recently, I find myself hating it more than anything. I came up with this list last night at around 2 am. READ IT! And tell me if you like it. Maybe I'll do more lists. It seems I am a list-person.

Why Mary Hates The Internet
[to be continued] :

Free internet porn ..actually, any type of porn.

Porn (nowadays) is boring/crude/tasteless. Really. With the internet, porn in this day and age has become like.. like watching the news. It's informative at times but not very interesting unless someone gets hurt.

OMG I JUST MADE THAT ONE UP ON THE SPOT. HAHAHAHA.

People getting into heated arguments over nothing.

For example, in almost every Youtube video there will be some annoying faggot that posts a thoughtless, politically incorrect comment and then there will always be a few overtly defensive jerks, who will in turn, offend the faggots with an unnecessary racist remark. In a matter of seconds, the argument would evolve into one that is not even related to the video anymore. This is just ONE of the millions of examples of retarded cyber squabbling out there. It's really stupid beyond belief.

Instant messaging/Social networking sites. [most of you will relate to this.]

Yes I spend half my life on Windows Live as well as Facebook, but I find it sad. It's just that you know.. if you ask most people who are older than I am and are married or who are in a relationship where or how they had met their significant other, they'd probably share an interesting story about how they had tried to woo the other person by confrontation or by phone, which would require a lot of guts because in those days mobile phones weren't prevalent what more the internet. Which means they had to call the person's home telephone knowing that the person's mother/father/grandfather/aunty/gay uncle/druggie brother/PMS sister might be the one who answers. You must really like a person to do such things.

But now.. it's just so easy that it's become pathetic. If a guy is interested he'll just go to your Wall and say "hi ur kind of hot. ley knl2?". Uhhhh... NO YOU MAY NOT! How dare you dirty my Wall with your lame ass phrase which probably has been used on two million girls.

Go watch free porn because I do not associate myself with classless douchebags by the name of B0i Ciner etcetera etcetera. Speaking of B0i Ciner, there sure are a freakishly huge number of B0i Ciners out there. Tsk. Just face it, you are Malay.. Just because your grandfather's cousin's wife's uncle is Chinese does not make you B0i Ciner.

TO BE CONTINUED....

2009-07-04T02:55:00.006+08:00

Today is the 4th of July.
Today is SHAREEFAH RAIHANAH SHAHABUDDIN'S A.K.A SHARRR'S 17TH BIRTHDAY!

Isn't she pretty? ;)
I love you like omg i dont know how to even put it in words.
You are one of the most wonderful people I've ever known and I'm so honoured to have you as one of my closest friends in the world. Thank god I'm in NYP and in Media Studies because if I wasn't I would have never met you and if I never met you, wow life would suck as hell.

We should meet every weekend like we did yesterday from now onwards, even though you're with me every second in school, just for the hotdogs and _ _ _ _. Hee.

I'll always be here for you and you can tell me anything in the world, like you always do.

I'll never judge.
<3

2009-07-03T02:09:00.003+08:00

Hearing your voice makes me feel like I should be somewhere, not here. Somewhere flying. Your voice is like milk and honey and silk and chocolate and pinewood. Your scent is out of this world and every time I breathe it in I feel like I'm 5 years old [don't ask me why].Your smile is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. It's like an aurora. And your heart is .. mine.

Saturday please come quick because I miss my Hasif toooooooo much.

2009-07-02T02:34:00.005+08:00

I LOVE BAT FOR LASHES <3
I've been listening to their songs every night since last week after seeing them perform on the Jimmy Kimmel Show, of all things (hahaha).

Damn, her songs are so freaking ohmygod-ly haunting and perfect.

...
I'm dying my hair black tomorrow.

Today Shar came over and we completed school stuff that were dued this afternoon such as Scriptwriting assignment and Marketing quiz. The rest are dued tomorrow and although I haven't completed everything, I am half way through. I say progress is good. The weather has been lovely, albeit depressing. I find everything ironic. Nothing is the way it seems to me now.

I seem to find cryptic messages in everything nowadays.

2009-07-01T15:01:00.007+08:00

At 3.40 am, unpublished.

Hello My Name Is Desperation And I Am A Ghost, Transient And Empty. I Am The Atrocity Which My Environment Has Crested. I Sleep But Do Not Rest, I Breathe But Do Not Live. I Am The Bottom Of The Oceam Where Nothing Else Can Be. I Am The Field At Night Where The Birds Gather. The Watch On My Wrist Is A Measure Of Who I Am Rather Than Anything I Could Do Or Say. I Am A Tree Rooted In Soil That Cannot Sustain Me. I Am Me, I Am Us, I Am Them. I Am Nothing And I Am Everything. I Am Human, I Am Fleeting.

Hello My Name Is Desperation And I Am A Ghost, Transient And Empty.

2009-06-30T13:09:00.002+08:00

Since NYP student's have an extended one week of "holidays", we have to do our shit online. I forgot that this morning we had a webcast thing which means everyone had to switch on their webcams and have a video conference with our lecturer. I didnt even get out of bed. I woke up and went online immediately with my laptop on my chest. And I was late. How ironicccc. I still haven't gotten out of bed by the way.

I have a 100000 things to do. Scriptwriting assignment (which i still don't know what i'm suppose to do), interview questions (because the interviewee couldn't reschedule to next week so we have to find a new person), marketing tutorials and the rest I can't even think of. It's making my head hurt.

For now, I choose to stay in bed for perhaps, an hour longer with my coffee and my 3 half-read books from the library which are due in 2 days.

I think I'm going to watch Skins because Rai is making me feel like I should watch it.

2009-06-29T18:35:00.005+08:00

Today's afternoon was spent in front of the television watching movies. I watched Love In The Time of Cholera, Superbad [hahahaha] & The Kite Runner.

I remembered when I was 14, I read The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini and it was one of the few books that affected me in a lot of ways. The book is fantastic. And the movie was just as good. It made me cry buckets. In the movie, Amir aspired to be a writer and he takes pleasure in stories which is why I can relate to him so well. And Hassan was like the most wonderful friend. He got raped by the older boys because he tried to prevent Amir's blue kite from being taken by them. I think the most touching scene is the one which Amir threw pomegranates at Hassan because he wanted Hassan to defend himself but Hassan took his own pomegranate and squashed it into his own face. Okay, you won't understand until you see the movie.

I'd like to digress on what I've learnt from the the movie/book here but I'll do that in my livejournal (screamthisnow@lj)

2009-06-28T15:01:00.005+08:00

My birthday is less than a month away.

Usually i'll know exactly what i want for my birthday. Last year it was an iPod, the year before that was Harry Potter & The Deathly Hollows which my mother had pre-ordered for me.

If only that company in Eternal Sunshine of The Spotless Mind really existed. I'd be their first customer. In case you're wondering, the company in the movie helps people forget about someone in their life. Not by therapy or counselling or anything like that, but by extracting the person that they want to forget from these peoples' memory. Isn't it cool? Wouldn't the world be a better place?

I also want to be more charitable. Seriously. I have this sudden urge to do volunteer work. I realise that i want to be someone that lives for a reason. I want to help make a change. Some people die and people would just feel sad that the person died, but afterwards they'll continue living like nothing had happen. Because there wouldnt be any difference if the person had continued living because they don't affect the world. At all. Except contribute to global warming.

And I want to be with Hasif every second of the day.

2009-06-28T02:30:00.003+08:00

Today was one of the nicest, well-spent days of the entire one year *insert number of days* days of me being your bestfriend/girlfriend. The things you said, I never thought you of all people would say it. But you did and I was overwhelmed. And screw Transformers 2.

All I have to say now is thank you.
And, I love you.

2009-06-26T18:51:00.010+08:00

You are listening to one of my favourite MJ songs.

"I said you wanna be startin' somethin', you gotta be startin' somethin'.
Too high to get over,
Too low to get under
You're stuck in the middle
And the pain is thunder"

Today was definitely a great day. We paid tribute to the late Michael Jackson, talked, played musical chairs (hahahaha) amongst other things. I love them and they will forever be my bestfriends. Although what Syafiqah had said left me confused again. :(

Sidetrack: You left the book open when you were going to reach the climax of the story and just abandoned it so allow me to end the chapter for you. Let me close the book. Better yet, let me burn it. Wouldn't you love that? I still believe in retribution. What goes around comes around, and may you get what you deserve. Hopefully you wouldn't have to wait until then to open your eyes. I feel surprisingly.. indifferent now.

Goodbye and good luck.

Un-sidetrack: I CAN'T WAIT FOR TOMORROW. I miss you like %*#$ and I can't wait to see you. You are the highlight of my entire week, Hasif. [i've decided to call him Hasif instead of Rico from now on because i realise i like the way Hasif sounds] I want to sleep now so that when I wake up it'll be tomorrow. But it's 7.44pm so I'll just go spend time with Mama now because I know that she feels really lonely nowadays because I've been trying to avoid rubbing off my mellowness on her. I'm sorry, mother. I love you with all my heart.

2009-06-26T07:58:00.005+08:00

It's 7 in the morning and my mother just woke me up saying:

"Maryam! Maryam!!!! Michael Jackson died..."

):

So I switched on my laptop. Michael Jackson passed away from a cardiac arrest. He was surrounded by his entire family during his last moments. Farah Fawcett, another legend, also passed on on the same day. Both iconic and both gone. I feel so so so depressed now.

But I'm glad that Michael passed away as a Muslim. (:

Today's movie marathon with thei girls will be a tribue to Mr Jackson.
I wonder how Papie will react if he was still here with us today.

As we all know Michael Jackson may probably be the most photograpphed man in entertainment. This is the last picture taken of him.

Sad.

2009-06-25T13:17:00.004+08:00

Namira and Syaf decided to "drop by" today, although Namira had already came over yesterday. I have the bestest friends in the entire universe! And I can't wait for tomorrow because it's our movie marathon, and Siska will be here too, which completes the circle.

So, NYP seems to be the only school in Singapore that has extended its holidays for one week because of H1N1. It doesn't really make sense because even RP which has confirmed cases only extends its holidays to Year 1 students.

But I'm NOT going to complain because I love holidays. I'm not going to lie, I was actually kind of looking forward to school because I really have nothing to do at home, although honestly, I haven't even started on my scriptwriting. But I need some sort of distraction from the debacle that I'm going through. No matter what, Hasif is still the best bestfriend/boyfriend I can ask for as he is being so nice and caring and patient with me. He understands. So why don't you?

Oh by the way, Hasif has been posted to SISPEC and is an Infantry Leader now. Which means he is learning to become a Sergeant. Cool or what?! Hahahaha. Damn.

...

Okay. Bye.

2009-06-24T14:07:00.004+08:00

What's the point, when you're never going to smell it on my skin.
What's the point of me saving up all this while?

You make it so convenient for yourself.

2009-06-23T19:27:00.004+08:00

We are all Neda.

Who is Neda? Neda was just a bystander in the Iranian election protests. She wasnt even a part of it. She was on the way home with her father, but she couldnt get home because the road was blocked by the protesters. She was shot by the Basij militia, for no reason. Her final moments were captured on video and overnight, it became an internet sensation. "Neda" means "voice" in Persian. She is now known as the voice of Iran

Watch the video, and if you're Muslim recite the al-fatihah for her.

2009-06-23T17:06:00.002+08:00

Mama and I just cleaned my room. I emptied out wardrobe, and put all the clothes that i dont want anymore in those huge black garbage bags to give to my neighbour's maid. In the end, i filled 3 bags. And each bag weighed like almost 10kg. I didnt realise i have so many clothes.

I keep thinking of you. Where are you? What are you doing? Who are you with? What have you been up to? Where have you been lately? Why don't I talk to you anymore?

But it's wrong, isn't it. It's wrong for me to even think of you. Because, do I even cross your mind? Do you wonder where I am, what I'm doing, who I'm with? Do you?

2009-06-22T16:31:00.003+08:00

Yesterday at around 4am, I was curled in bed, singing this more than 20 times while gasping for air and struggling to breathe, until finally, I fell asleep.

You are my sunshine.
My only sunshine.
You make me happy
When skies are grey
You'll never know dear
How much I love you

Please don't take my sunshine away.

2009-06-22T03:43:00.001+08:00

I dont know what I just did.

"Who are you? I don't know you. Please go away.."
"But I don't want to."
"Please go away."

2009-06-21T14:40:00.000+08:00

Today, I watched Le Fabuleux Destin d'Amelie Poulain, or just Amelie in English, for the hundredth time. When will I ever go to Paris? And live there. The movie has a few lovely quotes which have been etched in my soul. What amazes me besides the whole movie, is the cinematography. It's so perfect. The places, the people, the shots. I wonder what film they use.

Of course everything is in French, and watching lots and lots of French movies has undoubtedly taught me some French. But anyway, I got these with the help of the subtitle. Here are 2 of my favourite quotes.

This is the narrator's dialogue. He says this after Amelie returned the box which contained childhood memorabilia to its rightful owner.

"Amelie has a strange feeling of absulute harmony. It's a perfect moment. Soft light, a scent in the air, the quiet murmur of the city. She breathes deeply. Life is simple and clear. A surge of love, an urge to help mankind comes over her."

This one's taken from the restaurant that Amelie works at. The failed writer, i forgot his name, said this to the guy who is always with the tape-recorder.

"Failure is human destiny. Failure teaches us that life is but a draft. A long rehearsal for a show that will never play. "

This is the second last scene in the movie. She finally confronts with the photo booth obsessed guy. Naturally, I cried. I always cry when i see this part; from the part when she was baking. But just now i cried more than usual. Why?

<3

2009-06-20T22:50:00.003+08:00

I figured that i should spend my Sunday evening during something out of the ordinary. Bungee jumping was out of the question because i suffer from vertigo and skinny dipping was not a plausible idea as i have yet to reach my goal weight. So i decided to compose/write a song.

You probably know the song Love Sex Magic by Ciara Ft. Justin Timberlake.
My song is entitled Love Sex Tragic.

However it sounds NOTHING like Love Sex Magic. I would say it's more whimsical, haunting, makes you feel like you just took a hallucinogen of some kind and a tad depressing. But it makes you dance. So yeah whatever right. I'm not going to let you listen to it because it's too nice and you guys might go into a trance listening to it because of its niceness.

Enjoy your week.

2009-06-20T02:49:00.008+08:00

I was reading my blog archives because i felt like doing so, and i came across a particular month. February 2007. I was not even 15 yet. I was 14 years old and 7 months.

I particularly liked this. Please note that when I was writing this I had never had a boyfriend before. My love was always unrequitted and I was always getting my heart broken. And also, this is gonna seem a little cheesy, but as i was reading it i felt like hugging my 14/15 year old self. How did i know all these things? Especially that last line.

11 Feb 07:
"I think if you love someone, you aren't ashamed of embarrassing yourself in front of him/her. And do you know the kind of feeling that you have when you just fall in love? Love, is actually when you manage to prolong that anticipation until the day that you are seperated from your loved one. Love is when you wake up every day and the first thing that comes to your mind is his/her name. Love is like when you're extremely sleepy but you realised you havent called your loved one so you pick up the phone with droopy eyes but when you hear his/her voice, you suddenly dont feel like sleeping.

I live to feel.
Without anger, frustration, sadness and love,
breath is just a clock, ticking."

Hahahaha. And this is a poem I wrote in the same month [17th Feb 07]. I forgot what i was referring to. Oh, i think i remember now.

17th Feb 07:

The blade is on my skin; I am calm.
I am hollow.
The rain is falling on me; I am dry.
I am hollow.
The leaves fall; they don't change colour.
I am hollow.
You question me; why am I hollow?
It is your blade, you started the rain, you shook my tree.
You are hollow.

2009-06-19T23:15:00.004+08:00

This just sucks. Friday night and i'm with nothing but a coffee mug, an overheated laptop and a cellphone that seems dead. I glance over at Wally and even he seems to be having more vigor in this life. I look to my left and on my bedside chest, i see the pile of books that i have borrowed from library today and i feel better. I wonder what i'm going to do tomorrow. Mama said tomorrow i have to clean my room. This means throwing out all my clothes that i have not worn for more than 6 months. I hate it. Why does she feel the need to throw things away? I know decluttering is therapeutic but it isnt for me. I like my things.

I think my bed is now made of 80% dead skin cells and 20% cotton. I need to learn how to save myself. But in the meantime, you could save me.
I'm always waiting.

2009-06-18T22:59:00.008+08:00

Today I watched Land Of The Lost and Drag Me To Hell, consecutively.

I am such a ~~movie~~ film buff. But honestly, I enjoyed both movies. Land Of The Lost is funny as hell because Will Farrell is psychotic so go watch it!

GO WATCH DRAG ME TO HELL NOW, IN THEATRES BECAUSE IF YOU WATCH IT AT YOUR OWN HOME YOU WOULDNT EXPERIENCE WHAT I DID.

Drag Me To Hell scared the fluck out of me. I almost had a heart attack at the end of the movie because every scene had some scary shit that appeared out of nowhere. And can you believe me!? I cried. Not because I pitied the girl (who cares about the girl, honestly) but because she sacrificed her cat. She freaking KILLED the kitten.

And in the end, the scary devil shit didnt even want the kitten. WHY MUST YOU SACRIFICE YOUR KITTEN?! I'D RATHER GO TO HELL THEN KILL THE KITTEN. And the same goes to the goat/ox whatever it was. She was like "omg i'm not going to kill my cat. I love animals and I volunteer at the puppy shelter BLAH BLAH". Shut the hell up woman. You killed your cat biatch. After she killed the kitten, her face showed no remorse. Serves her right to get dragged to hell in the end.

That felt good.

BUT I SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND YOU TO WATCH DRAG ME TO HELL!!!!! IT'S ONE OF THE BEST HORROR MOVIES IVE WATCHED IN A LONGGG TIME. AND SOME CRITICS SAY THAT IT HAS A HIDDEN MEANING TO IT. THEY SAY THAT THE MOVIE IS REALLY ABOUT THE GIRL'S "EATING DISORDER" AND THAT SHE HAS A MENTAL DISORDER. MY FELLOW MEDIA STUDENTS, GO GOOGLE IT! BUT FIRST, WATCH THE MOVIE. IT'S GOOD.

2009-06-17T22:45:00.004+08:00

I keep sighing. Like, if I don't sigh I'll feel like there's something accumulating inside me that's taking away all my oxygen. It's time to get serious, and this is a serious post.

Ready?
Okay.
The thing is..

I really don't know what I want anymore. All i know is that i want to be a journalist. Even now, when i think of it, i'm not too sure if being a journalist is the best idea. Sure, i enjoy writing. But that doesnt mean that i'll enjoy writing for a living. I hate deadlines and that's the one thing writers have to live with. So, what do i want to be exactly? What kind of lifestyle do i want? Who am i REALLY going to spend the rest of my life with.

One thing's for sure. I dont want to be with a person who LANs because LAN-ing is a complete waste of money. Wouldn't it be better to save that money for say, oh I dont know.. a bike? Or something more important. I'm just saying. But i'm sure guys won't still LAN when they are like 30. So it doesn't really matter. Maybe to them LAN-ing is as thrilling as seeing a sign which says "80% OF ALL ITEMS" outside a Forever 21 store. Maybe. But I doubt it is. Nothing is more thrilling than new clothes. Honestly. Except for.. err. Yeah.

I don't know why I can't make my own choices. The choices that I have made are all driven by one thing. And that one thing isn't things that people usually make their choices based on, such as, their own happiness, what would work out best in the long-run, their reputation, money etc. No. I admit that the choices that I have made are driven by what I believe is the worse thing in the world. Even worse than hate, when you really think about it.

It is fear.

2009-06-16T20:05:00.007+08:00

I love my mother because today she went shopping alone and still had me, her ungrateful, bratty, lazy daughter in mind. She bought a pair of black pumps and a pair of pink Havaiana sandals, 2 boxes of Hush Puppies cotton panties and 2 bras, in pink and green. (:

It's not very often that she spends on me, especially when it comes to clothes or lingerie. I buy my own clothes, which is why I'm always broke. :( Furthermore, it's the GSS. Gives me more reasons to splurge. Although spending money on things sounds like a lovely idea, I think I need to first settle my own personal matters of the heart.

If you're reading this, I love you. You know I do. Sigh. I hate how I sound like in this post. It's so not me.

I'm hungry ):

2009-06-15T21:04:00.002+08:00

Dear Mary,

Things doesn't have to go your way all the time. So don't get all pissed off with the world when it doesn't. Everyone, at one point in their life will feel as if they are decomposing on their own bed. And it's okay to have dark eye circles. Your mom has it, so it's not really your fault. Right? It's okay to shower 3 times in a day too. I mean, the weather is unnaturally humid. No one can stand around sweating like a pig all day. It's gross. Showering is also a form of exercise, so it's good. And speaking of pig, no you are not a pig. You aren't pretty, but you don't look like a pig. And it's okay to wear a ring on your finger to bed or to shower or even to defecate. It's not obsessive at all. You like that ring. It doesn't mean anything, does it. And I'm sure everyone pretends to be Lady Gaga in the shower. Come on, don't we all? Mary, just because you can't french braid your own hair after countless times attempting to do so doesn't make you pathetic. I'm sure that Youtube video got it all wrong. They're teaching techniques aren't even clear.

You are perfectly normal. There's nothing to cry about.

Love,
Brain.

_________________________________

Dear Brain,

STFU. For once. Please.

Love,
Mary's heart.

2009-06-14T16:42:00.005+08:00

When you are like me and is pissed of with the world 80% of the time, FML works. I have compiled a few FMLs that never fail to at least make me not pissed with the 3rd world countries, although i'm still pissed off with everyone else.

Here you go. PROMISE ME YOU'LL READ ALL? (:

"Today, I bought a parakeet for my kids. When I got home and presented it to them, they wanted to let him fly around inside. We went around the house making sure all the windows and doors were shut. Unfortunately I forgot to turn off the ceiling fan. FML"

"Today, I heard my sister moaning in her room. I took the dog around the block to get out of the house, and I came back to see her leaving her room... my electric toothbrush in her hand. FML"

"Today, my daughter asked me when was the first time I had sex. After I told her 22 she quickly shouted, "Beat ya!" She's thirteen. FML"

"Today, my cat was in the bathroom with me. I was getting undressed to get into the shower. My cat looked at me after I undressed and then proceeded to throw up all over the rug. FML"

"Today, I was working at Old Navy. A girl came up to me and did a bizarre dance. Not knowing how to react, I imitated her to be friendly with the customer. Then she stopped cold. Her friend stormed up to me and yelled, "you jerk! Why are you mocking her? She has tourettes you know! FML"

"Today my mom ask me if me "you and your dad have the same taste in food right?" then she gave me some strawberry cream to try. It was pretty good, when i asked her what it was she said its my new nipple cream. FML"

"Today, I found an obituary clipping on my kitchen table. It was for my grandpa. No one told me he died. FML"

For more, go to fmylife.com

2009-06-14T15:24:00.002+08:00

I'm in one of those moods again. Pissed off with the world. Especially with the stupid wedding at my void deck. Why do Malays feel the need to turn their weddings into a circus? What's with the bloody honking, IT'S SUNDAY MORNING. What does the stupid honking even supposed to symbolise? And the stupid makciks karaoke-ing. Shut the hell up. Seriously. Just go home and masak asam pedas or watch some stupid Indonesian show with stupid people who wear too much foundation. Stick to what you're good at.

And dont even get me started on the corny DJs. They all sound the same, and most of the time nobody even gets or even gives a shit about what they are saying. They should just not have a DJ at all since they serve no purpose. They should just use that money to have weddings at PROPER wedding places and not void decks. PLEASE. Whoever came up with the idea of having weddings at void decks should be shot to death. A void deck is filthy. It's where chinese people have their funerals and where mat and minahs make out. It's where 3464856 people walk through everyday. People spit there, people pee there, people do everything there. But the one thing that you should NOT do there is GET MARRIED.

The music they play at malay weddings is just nauseating. I mean honestly, the bride and the groom cannot be the one who came up with the track listing. I'm sure it's their parents, the people who are stuck in the 18th century with their stupid lame-ass songs. OMG please spare the rest of the neighbourhood.

And stop singing.

This isnt your toilet. This is a wedding.

2009-06-13T22:21:00.003+08:00

I know i say this a lot but, I LOVE SHOWERS.

Okay if you guys are peegs like me then you'd probably know that GARLIC CHILLI IS BACK! Rico says this is a cause for celebration and I totally agree. I dont know where garlic chilli disappeared to for one year. I remembered last year when i asked for garlic chilli at Macs, the stupid cashier said "oh sorry we dont have garlic chilli from now on". My heart sank. Our tastebuds had to adapt to the shit-tasting, low-grade chilli sauce. Macs wasnt as enjoyable as it used to be.

The orange packet contains the shit chilli sauce and the yellow one is garlic chilli sauce. But of course it doesnt come in packets anymore unless you takeaway. You have to pump out the sauce from the Magical Sauce Well beside the serviettes. Which meaaans, unlimited supply of garlic chilli sauce. Unlike previously, when i keep going to the counter to ask for more chilli sauce and pissing off the cashiers.
Let your tastebuds orgasm.

2009-06-12T19:43:00.012+08:00

Mairah and "imam" sitting on a tree.. t-a-u-b-a-t-i-n-g. HAHAHAHA. Sigh.

I need lipo on my lips.

Shar, Dee, Doreen & Mairah are such beautiful people inside and out. They are the definition of true friends. They put up with all whining every 3 seconds, my random and depressing thoughts, my melodramatic love life, my crude comments/observation, my tak menjadi jokes, my clumsiness and everything else. One day, some time soon, I will treat you guys to lunch or dinner somewhere nice because I really dont know how else to show my gratitude other than being an equally great friend.

Anyway, IT'S TERM BREAK. Should I be happy? Back in secondary school i would normally be counting down the days to the holidays but now.. I actually want to go to school. School is fun as hell especially when you're in media studies (: and if you have such fantastic girlfriends.

2009-06-10T22:01:00.008+08:00

These picture were just taken using my webcam like, a minute ago. Being an only child, this is just one of the many things I have to resort to just to entertain myself.

Other only-child-with-single mother-and-3-cats-activities include:

reading,
strumming imaginary pink guitars and singing songs about whale massacre,
hosting talkshows for depressed girls with IQ above 120,
excessive showering -> exfoliating,
attempting telekinesis,
pretending to be Lady Gaga or Bjork and occasionally Zooey Deschanel
conducting counselling session with cats
solo dikir barat

2009-06-09T20:34:00.004+08:00

I love showering. It's so nice..

In the shower, I cry, lather, scrub, shave, sing, dance, exfoliate, moisturise, condition, think, cry some more, laugh, talk, dream.

I love showering.

Right now I feel relieved, but not quite as relieved as i should be.

Relieved because:

I sat for my media marketing test which sucked balls,
I did my Business Presentations ICA2 and although the projector was screwy and my cool slides couldn't be seen clearly, i tried my best
My group is almost done with our New Media report
I have already scripted the interview questions for Film & Video Production ICA2.
I got a grip of myself

Not quite relieved because:

Never mind. Some things, such as this, are just not meant to be written in blogs.

Sidetrack! I don't know why, but I am so excited for tomorrow! I have no reason to be excited but I just really am. Maybe it's because Rico has already POP-ed and is having his 2 weeks break now. Or maybe it's because tomorrow is Wednesday and Wednesdays are DFVP from 10am-1pm and then I'm done for the day. Or maybe.. hehehe. :p

Should I go for the Campus Road Run tomorrow? I have already signed up last month. But registration only starts at 2.15pm tomorrow. Isn't it weird that I am volunteering for such things now when back in secondary school I wanted to go poly because there was no 2.4km run. I know, riiiiiight?

I think I like myself better now.